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Red Flags
01-25-2005 11:46 am
Red Flags can tell us that we need to tread water for a while, and reassess this relationship. If you answer yes to any of these questions, you may be in a potentially dangerous relationship!
- Does he reject your right to decide if you'll use birth control?
- Does he reject your right to decide whether to work at a paid job?
- Does he refuse to let you spend time alone?
- Is he upset you have other friends?
- Is he displeased at your accomplishments and ambitions?
- Does he have trouble accepting the fact that women can and should be wise, worldly, confident, strong, decisive and independent as men?
- Does he refuse to talk and listen?
- Does he hide from you the fact that his feelings are hurt?
- Does he think its bad for men to show they are weak or vulnerable and to cry sometimes - aside from after he has abused you?
- Is he unable to express affection aside from the times he's sorry for abusing you and when he wants, or you are having sex?
- Are there some special traits about women's ability to express emotions, willingness to be vulnerable, that he admires
- Does he dislike or degrade his mother or sister?
- Does he lack good friends?
- Does he lack interests besides you?
- When angry, does he break or throw things?
- Does he lose his temper over small things, especially when he doesn't perform as well as he would like?
- Does he ask you about other men in your past life?
- does he want to know where you have been when you have been out?
- Does he believe husbands should make the important decisions?
- Does he reject your opinion?
- Does he think there are any circumstances in which it is okay for a man to hit a woman?
- Is he jealous of your friends or relatives?
- Does he think you are with another man when you are not home when he calls?
- Does he think men should earn more than women in the same job?
- Does he especially want baby boys and associates fathering boys with masculinity?
- Does he think you have enough education even though you want to go to school?
- Does he get angry if meals are late, or food isn't just right?
- Does he take over when you are having trouble doing something whether you want to or not?
- When he is hurt, does he act angry instead?
- Does he silently sulk when angry?
- Does he ridicule you for being stupid, or for characteristics that are typical of women?
- Do you like yourself less than usual when you have been with him?
- Has he spent time in jail?
- Was he abused as a child?
- Does he sometimes put you on a pedestal, saying he doesn't deserve you?
- Are there some qualities you especially like about yourself that he disapproves of or ridicules?
- When you have acted independently, has he called you a "woman libber" or "dyke"?
- Has he been in fist fights or hit other women he's been involved with?
- Has he ignored your feelings?
- Has he continually criticized you, called you names, or shouted at you?
- Has he ridiculed or insulted your religion, race, heritage, or class?
- Has he withheld approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment?
- Does he insult your friends and family?
- Does he humiliate you in private or public?
- Does he refuse to socialize with you?
- Does he try to keep you from working?
- Does he try to control your money?
- Does he try to make all the decisions?
- Does he make excuses for not working?
- Is it all right to spend your money but not his?
- Does his punishment of children seem excessive?
- Does he tell you about past affairs?
- Is he abusive to pets?
- Does he tell anti-woman jokes or make demeaning remarks about women?
- Does he treat women as sex objects?
- Does he get jealous and assume you would have sex with anyone?
- Has he publicly shown sexual interest in other women?
- Does he call you names like "whore" or "frigid"?
- Has he had affairs after agreeing to a monogamous relationship?
- Does he assume the right to control how you live and behave?
- Do you rehearse what you will say so as not to make him angry?
- Does he bewilder you by switching from charm to rage without warning?
- Do you often feel confused, off balance or inadequate with him?
- Does he blame you for everything that goes wrong?
- Do you fear his reactions?
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